The Best Songs That You'll Never Know the Words To

I don't really know why, but I have been feeling pretty nostalgic about the 90s recently. Perhaps it is because I'm feeling like I have to deal with increasingly more adult things every day (What's up with not getting an automatic two weeks off at Christmas?), and my most carefree memories happened in the 90s.

I mean, who doesn't look back fondly on slap bracelets, butterfly clips, "girl power", PlayStation, and SkipIts? I sure do. One of the most defining moments of my childhood was when I beat the high score in Frogger. It was a great day.

But all this nostalgia really started after I picked my brother up at O'Hare on our way to ND a week ago.

We had been in the car for a Really. Long. Ass. Time.

Why hasn't Chicago caught up with the idea of High Occupancy Vehicles? I wasn't too fond of HOV lanes in high school driving home from the city alone, but they make life seriously easier with a carload of people.

Anyways, Kenzie and I had been listening to the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack (naturally), which just brings me screaming back to the days when I would watch that movie on a loop and spin around the living room just like Belle does when she sings, "There must be more than this provincial life!"

And then Jack got into the car and we had to stop listening to Disney songs. Except he really likes "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. But who doesn't?

Even once we collected Jack, we still were looking at sitting in the car for an even Longer. Ass. Time. We needed some entertaining tunes STAT.

And then by the grace of Spotify, I heard Darius Rucker start wailing through the speakers.

"I'm onna luv you the besset, the besset ah caaaaaaan" (an excerpt from "Hold My Hand")


And we all belted out the entire song. Even though "Hold My Hand" is fairly incomprehensible since I don't think Darius Rucker is capable of pronouncing hard consonants.

Why is it that we can love songs and sing all of the words to songs and not even know what they are saying? 'Cause they're catchy. Cracked Rear View isn't the 15th best selling album of all time in the US for nothing.

Since I was driving in some seriously horrific traffic - I started thinking of other songs that qualified for this dubious honor of "Awesomely Incomprehensible".

And then I made a list. We're going to do this countdown style, people.

5) "The Old Apartment" by the Barenaked Ladies




 "The Old Apartment" is funny because it's as if Steven Page gets lazy about a minute in and stops pronouncing words. It's the song you listen to hundreds of times and even though you've been singing along the past 97 times you listened to it, you think, "What is he saying right after that one part? 'I've had being here? 'My cat peed in here'?"


The answer is "I'm happy there."
Who knew.

4) "Because the Night" by 10000 Maniacs



I'll be totally honest - this might be one of my favorite songs of all time. I heard this for the first time on my dad's MTV Unplugged: 10000 Maniacs album. I thought Natalie Merchant was almost as cool as my watch that had a painter's palette as the face and the hands were brushes. I still inevitably put this song on every mix I make.

And oh yeah, I still can barely understand what she's saying. But she sings right in my range! I'll sing nonsense that's in my range any day.


3) "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie & the Blowfish




This had to make the list, obviously. Damn catchy. How can you not love this song?! But he loses me around "something something something...a million bucks dadalada..." And then I get even more confused when I think he's saying "the dolphins make me cry", but in my eleven year old head I always thought, "Why would dolphins make him cry? That can't be right. I guess I'll mumble sing this part too."


Apparently the Dolphins, as in, Miami Dolphins, make him cry. Way to confuse an eleven year old, Darius.

2) "Hook" by Blues Traveler




It blew my mind when I realized that he wasn't saying, "But the heart brings you back". Honestly, could you at least pronounce the name of the song comprehensibly? Now I'm the doofus who's singing the NAME OF THE SONG wrong. Cool.

1) "Yellow Ledbetter" by Pearl Jam




This one speaks for itself. Or doesn't for our purposes. Hence why I decided to provide you with some lyrics suggestions in this video.

"Make me fries."

Love is like the Packers

It was your typical Sunday... I was resting up from a long weekend, snuggled up on the couch after a nice dinner, watching the Packers and thinking about life.

One of the thoughts that frequently runs through my mind at such times is something along the lines of "Damn Aaron Rodgers, I luuuve you."

Yeah...enjoy this gem I found. You're welcome.

Let me explain.

I'm a child of the 90s. Aside from this meaning that I thought overalls and clip-on sunglasses were fashionable, it also met I grew up during a hey-day of Packer success. As a young 2nd grade 'Sconnie I wore cool applique Packer sweatshirts and did the "Packerena" in my homeroom (Chmura and a Butler and a White and a Holmgren heyyyyy Packerana! Ahhhayy!)

I also...this is hard to say...

I also loved Brett Favre. 

Because we were playing the Vikings tonight #4 was on my mind too. "Oh Brett, what on Earth were you thinking? You had it made in Wisconsin. Why did you leave us for the Jets? Why did you leave them for the Vikings- we hate them! Why are you a crazed old has-been sexual predator now?" 

I don't know what happened to that man. 

Anyway, in thinking about Brett and Aaron and life and football it began to occur to me- love is kind of like the Packers. 

Bear with me here:

Brett Favre circa 1996 is your new boyfriend. He's everything you ever thought you wanted in a man- strong, smart, talented, and kind and so much better than the last one (I mean, does anyone even remember who was quarterback before Favre?) You are crazy about him- there's that honeymoon phase where you can't believe how lucky you are and you want to spend every spare moment with him. I can't think of a relationship analogy for winning the Super Bowl but yeah, things are pretty frickin' awesome with this guy. You get comfortable and happy and everything is peachy-keen. 

Until you get...dumped. 

Boo-hoooo

Just when you think everything is going along swimmingly, you get dropped like a hot potato. Yeah, he cries and acts like he's all sad, but that just makes you feel worse. Plus it's like, dude...you're the one that dumped me. Stop crying. Luckily, then he usually proceeds to screw you over (again...the Vikings? Really?) and then you just get angry and delete his number out of your phone and complain about him at parties. 

Despite swearing him off, you are pretty sure you'll never find anyone like him again. You have a mourning period...pints of ice cream, sweatpants, Alanis Morisette and all that good stuff. 

But then...when you least expect it...after too many nights of blubbering to the Twilight movies and wiping the snot off your face, someone new comes into the picture. Maybe he's not quite as flashy, or well-known, or dreamy, but in a lot of ways that's good because he's awesome at what really matters- being good to you. That man is Aaron Rodgers and instead of being good to you he's good at being awesome at football. He's got all the skills but none of the emotional rollar coaster. He makes you wonder why you ever cared about the loser before him and he doesn't do dumb Wrangler commercials or get caught in any other inappropriate pants-related situations (or lack thereof). 

Please interrupt this blog reading for a good laugh: http://www.hulu.com/watch/187730/saturday-night-live-brett-favre-wrangler-commercial .

Anyway, did you follow that awesome analogy I just made?

I hope so because it made a lot of sense in my head. 

Sure, we'll all have our Brett Favre's- and probably even some Dayne Crist's or even worse, some Jay Cutler's. But maybe somewhere out there- Chico, California perhaps, there is an Aaron Rodgers waiting for you. A man who can rock a mustache and throw some serious leather. Or you know...whatever it is that you're looking for.

Giving Tom Selleck a run for his money.

Now if only the Packers could figure out a way to marry Aaron Rodgers....

Business Travel

I feel like this will become a very familiar sight for me. Airport sandwich, overpriced bottle of water, a magazine for the "no electronics" time in the plane, and the iPad to hide between the pages so the flight attendants don't catch me using it.

My super cool job is sending me to Texas this week, and it is my first time in Texas ever (barring a forgotten layover at one time in my past, perhaps). The thing about Texas is that it's got a reputation. Not a bad one by any means, but you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who didn't think of cowboy boots, BBQ, and maybe even a dog in the front seat of a pickup truck when they think of Texas.

So in trying to draw the line between "stereotypical Texas" and "real Texas" prior to my trip, I decided to ask my co-worker what it was like. The first thing she said was, "Well, they really like their BBQ. There's this place right across the street that they talk about all the time and they'll insist on taking you."

Sounds pretty stereotypical, right? But that was the first anecdote of "real Texas" I got - I swear.

So that was all I had prior to landing in Dallas last night. That and everything I have learned about Texas from Friday Night Lights. For example, one who watches FNL might think it suitable to greet Texans with a firm handshake and a,"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!" And adjourn meetings with a simple, "Texas Forever."

It seems pretty acceptable in Fri Ni Li, but I'm going to employ my better judgement and stick with a standard "Hey y'all!" ""Hello! Nice to meet you."

But I'll tell you what - it's really hard not to buy into the Texas stereotype when you arrive in the rental car lot and you're scheduled to roll out in this bad boy:

I mean, I look good in it, don't get me wrong, but it's a little...big for my tastes. The turn radius is not exactly sharp, but I actually feel like I can hold my own out on the road. Everyone down here seems to drive a car this huge.

The cherry on top of my first day in Texas was when I was at the counter paying for my lunch and the woman ringing me up applied the employee discount. When I looked at her with a puzzled face, she replied, "Don't you work here sweetheart? I coulda sworn I recognized you from the HR department!"

No, in fact, she did not recognize me from HR. I apprently just look super wise and competent. And Texan for that matter.

So yes, everything's bigger in Texas, including state pride. They even give my current residence of Wisconsin a run for their money. And since people are mistaking me for being a Texas native already, it's going to be really hard to shake that charming drawl I've picked up in the past 36 hours.

Just another Manic Tuesday

Some people, like the Bangles, think Mondays are just plain awful.

I suppose in some ways I can agree- it’s certainly no fun to wake up early on a Monday after a relaxing weekend and be reminded of the fact that you have responsibilites and stuff.

However, since joining the real world I’ve come to a conclusion: Monday is not the problem. It’s Tuesday that makes me want to eat a pint of ice cream and live in my sweatpants. (Or..I guess that’s what people do when they get dumped. Don't worry, Tuesdays don’t make me cry the way I did when my first boyfriend broke up with me at the tender age of 16. They just make me yearn for my red couch and a Friends re-run).

On Mondays I’m well-rested and ready to take on the week. I write up my to-do lists, put on a cute outfit, and hit work full-speed. I always run on Mondays and I’m feeling strong-willed and able to resist the evils of snack foods and Facebook and feeling so lazy that I can’t even convince Katie to turn off Millionaire Matchmaker. (Are you scared of that woman too? She terrifies me).

But then comes Tuesday. I start dragging, and the past weekend seems like it happened 2 weeks ago- and the coming Friday might as well be Easter for all I care. Wednesday gets you back on track for the weekend, but on Tuesday it seems like it may never come.

But it will! And I’m here to provide you with some happy things to get you through this terrible day and onto the glory that is Humpday. Once it’s Wednesday it’s almost Thursday which is almost Friday which is the weekend. So it’s really just today you gotta get through, people.

Here are some happy things to take your mind off of this terrible day:

1. Cute child going to Disneyland.

Sidenote: when I was in 1st grade I got to go to Disney World with my mom on a work trip. When I told my piano teacher she said "That's not true.You are not going to Disney World."

Why would you ever say that to someone? I mean I know I was bad at piano but you don't have to tell me I'm not going to Disney World.

P.S. I did go. I got to see Pochantas live on stage. It was raining. I was wearing pink cat leggings and a matching cat sweatshirt. My mom had the best time of her life.

2. Hotness + Humor+ Feminism= Awesome?

Yeah...someone at work definitely walked up on me google-imaging Ryan Gosling. Whoops.

3. Did you hear that Pop Up Video is back!? This is surely some terrific news. Who doesn't want to learn interesting facts while they watch music videos? I certainly do.

I'm not sure if people still even watch music videos but when I do I like some education with 'em.

4. Pandora now has unlimited listening. If you have a desk job where Pandora is your best friend, the elimination of the 40 hour monthly limit is pretty sweet. Now I can listen to all the Nicki Minaj radio I want at the office.

 Wait..I don't do that.

5. Similar to my argument regarding Wednesdays, I'd like to suggest that mid-October is an acceptable time to start thinking about Christmas. Wednesday-->almost Thursday--> practically Friday = October-->almost November--> practically December. 

You follow?

If you don't, know this: I drank hot cocoa today. And I may have already purchased several Christmas presents. 

Still doesn't mean it's ok to start selling Christmas decorations though. That means you, Macy's.

Anyway, there's your daily dose of happy. If that little girl alone doesn't make your day, you probably have a Grinch-sized heart.

Say Cheese!

This photo is the epitome of why I hate it when people tell me to "Say Cheese!"

Or in this case, "Go Brewers!"

It's as if the random person you ask to take a picture for you wants you all to have your mouths awkwardly open. That being said, I'm all for photo op enthusiasm. If the photographer wants to create a little genuine emotion for the photo by encouraging some excitement for the memory being captured - by all means! A "Go Brewers!" or "Happy Birthday, Glen!" never hurt anyone. But at least press the button after we've all resumed to relatively normal photo poses, please?

That'd be great.

I went to Miller Park for the first time in my life yesterday. As you can probably tell, I was pretty pumped.

I love it when having a pair of yellow shorts in my closet comes in handy.

I also love the irony of a professional athletic team revolving around a love of alcohol. And sausage.

I even saw a beer man get flagged down and asked for two Miller Lites, but he responded, "I've got two but they're a bit warm so I don't want to sell them to you."

You've got to respect a man who respects the quality of the beer he's selling. 'Cause seriously, the guy who ordered them would have drunk a warm Natty Ice if he had the chance. He didn't seem like he was much of a beer connoisseur. Beer = beer = beer.

I had a splendid time at my first Brewers game. We couldn't have asked for better weather or a better outcome, and the company was great to boot! And you see? This photo is a far better representation of our day yesterday. A little genuine emotion, not stiff or posed, and both Kilbs look photo-ready. No awkwardly contorted mouths trying to say some appropriate phrase! Just some good ol' fashioned pearly whites.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Hi friends!

I have been a delinquent blogger lately. But I've got some excuses...

The Good. 


I got to go to New York! This included:

1. Staying at a hotel in Times Square.

2. Drinking Guinness with two of my bestest friends.

They make me very happy. In case you can't tell from this picture. 

3. Eating dinner at Eataly, an brand new Italian wonderland near Madison Square Park. I was like a kid in a candy store. I would say it was a great restaurant...if "restaurant" meant it was actually about 3 restaurants, a deli, a gelato shop, an Italian market, a cappuccino stand, a rooftop bar, and a cooking school all in one. I got lost and found myself surrounded by Italian bread in a deserted corner. It was awesome.

4. Going to the Union Square Barnes and Noble. It was beautiful. (There were three stories.)

Some girls shop for shoes when they are in New York.
What can I say, I'm a Zappos girl. 

5.  Hailing a cab in the middle of the city in heels. I felt very metropolitan (though probably looked like a dork).

The Bad...

Then I ran into some issues. This included:

1. Getting stuck at the worst airport in the world for about ten hours and almost crying in front of my coworkers like a 5-year-old. YES LAGUARDIA THAT'S YOU. I'm never going back there.

2. Spending about eight cumulative hours searching for canned pumpkin, which is apparently a rarity in Madison, WI. Yes, eight hours is being dramatic but I really want to make pumpkin cupcakes and there is still no pumpkin in this apartment.

Why are you being so elusive? I want to put cream cheese frosting on you. 

(There are some gourds though. I'm festive.)

3. Several other typical Schlimazel moments such as temporay blindness due to toothpaste in the eye, walking into a wall at work due to non-functioning lights in a stairwell, and leading my boss to believe that I lack basic Excel skills.

And The Ugly.


Aaaand then I got sick. This included:

1. Using tea as a vehicle to eat cups full of honey.

2. Laying alone in our family room with the air conditioning at 64 and the shades drawn.

3. Watching so many episodes of Friday Night Lights that I started talking like Tami Taylor.

If I walk into a room and scream "Hey Y'alll!!" at you, you'll know why.

4.  Being forced to wear a mask at the doctor's office. Remember, like when everyone was afraid of getting SARS? Yeah, that happened.

5. Having a smoothie for breakfast, a milkshake for lunch, and soup for dinner. Liquid diets are all the rage!

6. Going to bed at 9:30.

Anyway, to summarize, my life is super cool, like always. I'll be a better blogger I promise! And hopefully a more coordinated human being as well.